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You'd think that Hollywood's civilizing influence would have buffed up a few of France's rough edges, but the Cannes Film Festival has been buffeted with anarchy. First hotel workers went on strike, threatening our film stars' comfort level while abroad; some nearly fainted when they returned to bidets lacking that piece of paper announcing they'd been sanitized. Then the French drowned Michael Moore in the longest standing ovation in the history of standing, clapping, and fat, troublemaking documentarians. The anarchy has only deepened. Now Page Six reports that French thieves are pillaging the villas where our precious, exported talent is staying. Where is President Bush with his bombs now? This is certainly the greatest threat facing America, and the French really are overdue for a good surrender.