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Today in The Morning News, Kevin Fanning turns on his billionaire chipmunk thought translator and gets inside the Olsen Twins' heads. He extracts Mary-Kate and Ashley's post-bomb plans: Time for college!

A: Which is why I’m all flummoxed over here. How could it have failed so bad? What, are we suddenly not totally cute?

M: According to a recent article in Entertainment Weekly, I am the Cute One and you are the Type A Personality.

A: Please. I shit cute for breakfast. Plus I’m taller than you. [...]

A: Jesus fuck. When we start school, we’re totally living in separate apartments. No more of this attached-at-the-forehead shit.