· MTV: "Oh, that thing where we didn't want to air the Super Size Me commercial? Forget it, somebody fucked up. We totally want it. Who? Um. Johnny Junior-Level-Staffer. He's always screwing things up."

· Fox: "Remember how we got together and kind of made that reality show where the straight guys had to pretend that they were, you know, gay? Let's just forget it ever happened, okay? But I may have too much to drink and call you in the middle of the night to make another ill-advised show."

· Paramount: "We loved How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days! And it made a pile for us! Hold on, we can make a sequel? Fantastic! You better be right about how good Kate Hudson's new movie is. If it tanks, you'd better move to Colombia."

· Harvey Weinstein: "Okay, is everyone on the line? Good. Eisner, nice job, you totally seemed like a tax-break mongering douchebag. Moore, you went to Cannes, won that silly prize from Quentin, and made a suitably big stink. Bob and I get to look like all-time champs of free speech. I think that about covers it. See you boys at the Oscars."