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· "Porcine provocateur" Michael Moore (Page Six's description, but we kinda like it) is whining that he's not going to win an Oscar because the whole thing is rigged. Expect an "investigative documentary" about it next year. [Page Six]
· Paris Hilton's version of her catfight with ex-90210 actress Shannen Doherty: "She got really mad when I said, 'You're just jealous of me because you have a show on SciFi Channel and I have one on Fox!' She kept saying, 'Let's go outside and fight!' but that's so trashy. I said no." [Page Six]
· "Young dude with spiked hair in different colors" to "elderly gent on a Washington Square Park bench": "What's the matter, old timer, never done nothing wild in your life?" The geezer nods: "Yep. Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my kid." [Cindy Adams]
· Liz Smith Comment of the Month: "It is fitting that the planned celebration of Liza and David Gest's first anniversary has been canceled. Nobody who has seen the revitalized Liza over the past year could possibly prefer a party to this remarkable legend's health, peace of mind and the promise of many more productive years to come." [Liz Smith]
· James Gandolfini's war with HBO is coming to a close as both sides withdraw their lawsuits. [NY Daily News]