Hassid v. Hipster in Williamsburg, Pt XIV
Writer Jami Attenberg weighs in on the Hipster-Hassid battles of Williamsburg:
Hipsters are total pussies, we know this already. They're skinny and they smoke too much and at the very most, the only exercise they get is doing yoga once a month at some place on Bedford, and that's only because they're trying to sleep with their hot upstairs neighbor who teaches there. Also they never want to put their pretty boy faces at risk, and you've got to be willing to take a blow in order to throw two. They tend to be on some sort of prescription medication, as well, although if they go off of it for any reason there could be trouble. Hassids are out of shape, too (although they clearly spend a lot of time procreating, but hipsters fuck a lot too so they cancel each other out), but more importantly, they are nutritionally unbalanced. I shop in their grocery stores, and I see the kind of crap they eat. They are all about the carbs, which can traditionally slow you down, though I am grateful for the prevalence of Black and White cookies in the baked good sections when I have PMS. And finally, their layers of outerwear do not lend to street fighting, even if they do bring them closer to God. So I think in a sense they're pretty evenly matched, except for the deciding factor: Hassids have cars to take down anyone in their path, and as anyone who lives around here can attest, they drive like maniacs, even the school bus drivers. So as long as it's not sundown on Friday till sundown on Saturday, the decision goes to Hassids. Wild card: A recent Oberlin grad with daddy issues who forgets to take his Prozac during Shabbat hours.
