I suppose America learned many things last night. We learned that Annie Lennox has been involved in an intracellular war with herself: outside, she's becoming Julie Andrews, while inside, she's metamorphosing into Enya. We wish her the best of luck with her transition.

Also we learned that the New York Times can't tell doughy white men apart. Sharon Waxman's NYT wrap-up, which is basically her report of watching the same TV channel the rest of us did, says Bob Weinstein was the man Renee Zellwegger smooched before accepting her Oscar. That was no Weinstein — wasn't it her manager, John Carrabino?

And if you can't deal with your Oscar reports in normal fashion, you can try the haiku version:

8:20 PM
"Hey Naomi Watts!
Watt's up??" Billy Bush just asked.
I'm buying a gun.


There. Now let's never speak of last night again.
Haiku-Blogging the Oscars [Hip Hop Music]
'Lord of the Rings' Dominates Oscars [NYT]
Going to the well... [Whatevs]