It's our first movie opening weekend after the resignation of Jack Valenti, head of the Motion Picture Association of America and inventor of the movie ratings system, so I thought we should institute a Friday Film Roundup to honor his stupid meat-headed memory.

· Blogger Jim Treacher takes Salon and Slate to task for not reviewing Dawn of the Dead: "It's okay to have fun at the movies, you nerds! Well, fine, go ahead and focus on chopping off Lars von Trier's dick before the other reviewers can suck it, already."

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· Kevin Smith's Jersey Girl: sucks balls: "Mr. Smith has made a movie so false and blatantly icky that it's the film equivalent of making goo-goo noises and chucking a baby under the chin for 103 minutes."
· Scooby-Doo 2: sucks balls. No explanation necessary.
· Taking Lives: sucks balls: Angelina Jolie is "the flesh-and-blood actress most likely to be mistaken for a computer-generated special effect."
· Never Die Alone: sucks balls, but, as Elvis Mitchell points out, "'Never Die Alone' is rated R: It has elements of the thug-life demimonde: violence, drugs, strong language and adult sexuality."
· Related: Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz broke up in January and I wasn't informed?