We won't be quoting from our most recent legal letter — which was sent on behalf of a Certain Socialite Couple Who Have Never Been A Page Six Blind Item, incidentally. (The letter is being mounted for framing as we speak! We're so proud!) Meanwhile, we're just hearing from everyone in the world today:

From the "CNBC Spokesperson" regarding Tina Brown: "Enjoyed the joke, but just to set the record straight for those who forgot it's April 1st — CNBC is thrilled with the performance of 'Topic A with Tina Brown,' which has seen a 156% growth in viewers since its premiere as a weekly series." GAWKER EXCLUSIVE! TINA BROWN IS NOT BROADCASTING TO A SECURITY CAMERA ON THE UES!!! LITERALLY DOZENS OF PEOPLE WATCH HER SHOW!!! DEVELOPING...

From Lloyd Grove, Daily News gossip columnist (and top-20-most-loathed-New-Yorker): "Today, my friend, you re selling some very bad stuff concerning my associate on the Lowdown column in the New York Daily News. Elisa Lipsky-Karasz isn t going anywhere. She s staying put to continue her excellent work. Got it?" BREAKING... ELISA LIPSKY-KARASZ NOT QUITTING HER JOB THIS WEEK!!! MUST CREDIT GAWKER.COM!!!