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Shaolin Soccer: Goofy trash. "Imagine, if you will, a soccer team comprising of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Sonny Chiba and Jet Li. Now imagine their games were broadcast by The Wachowski Brothers. If you wouldn't pay $8 to watch that team play, there's no helping you." [Hollywood Bitchslap]
The Middle of the World: If you want to spend 85 minutes watching poor people bicycle nobly across Brazil, knock yourself out.
Hellboy: '"Hellboy' is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned) for violence, alcohol consumption, hordes of disturbing, soul-sucking creatures and, arguably, its title character's name." — Elvis Mitchell [NYT ]