Tiny bookish blogger Maud Newton promises violence on the L train. Remember the Giuliani days, when death threats against subway riders would get you put on The List, or at the very least interrogated in a rat-infested cell? Anyway, if you see a tiny black-haired girl scowling at you under the East River, get the fuck out of her way:

One of these mornings somebody's going to get hurt on the L train. And it's not going to be me.

Some nineteen-year-old boy's going to "accidentally" brush his elbow against my breast for the 20th time and I'll kick him smack in the groin so hard he'll still be picking pieces of his privates out of his teeth after the restorative surgery.

I may be short, but I'm a high kicker. I flush public toilets with my foot, even in restrooms with those auto-flush buttons halfway up the wall. So you might want to brush those bangs out of your eyes, "new wave" Williamsburg gentlemen, and get your jollies some other way.

A public service announcement to L train riders [Maud Newton]