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In this really off-the-wall issue, Michael Eisner, Martha Stewart, Jade Jagger and a meditation on the New Yorkification of LA, Patricia Arquette doing serious shopping, James Carville, Cynthia Rowley on the 6, Ellen Barkin at Marc Jacobs, Winona Ryder at Jill Stuart (not shoplifting), Kwame working the piers, Whoopie Goldberg, Leelee Sobieski in the last pink pashmina on Earth, Tony Bennet with Lisa Dallos, Ted Allen, Giselle, Paul Sorvino, Parker Posey and Ryan Adams (Crazy in Love), Michael Showalter and Michelle Williams with Janeane Garofalo, Michael Pitt, Average Joes Adam and Zach, Kevin James, Yoanna House, Nick from Apprentice x2, Nigel and April from Top Model (canoodling?), Giovanni Ribisi, Rosario Dawson, David Blaine, Jason Bateman, and the world's most excited Bronson Pinchot sighting.

· My co-workers and I were having lunch at Nobu yesterday when in walks Michael Eisner. We couldn't tell who his dining partner was but it is safe to assume it wasn't Roy E. Disney.
· Ran into a dour looking Martha Stewart at the outrageously expensive Megu on Monday night. She was with three middle-aged women in a booth and didn't seem to be enjoying her meal or the fact that I kept looking at her from my seat at the sushi bar. $65 for a raw tuna appetizer? Now that should be against the law.

· 4/19 2:15pm, apple store soho. Jade Jagger at the genius bar getting help with her iSight-equipped PowerBook. she seemed affable, radiant, lovely. truly beautiful in person. she was with a blond who was begging for a citation from the jeans police (ill fitting with gold versace belt and handbag) and who was "starving." jade was wearing a floral print frock and i was just thinking that she was dressed so tastefully and understated when she got up and slung her bright pink quilted chanel bowling bag emblazoned with huge black interlocked C's over her shoulder and sauntered out. which leads me to my next thought: went to the "coming out" party for dave koz (hes a saxophone player, im told) at his house in LA — Beverly Hills flats. nice guy, house was decorated in that supersleek, vanilla-colored way — sort of apple-store-meets-starbucks but with carpet and buddhist accents. i guess hes a buddhist in addition to being gay. anthropological notes: being from new york, im surveying the crowd, trying to amuse myself with derisive observations about LA. im thinking "peoples parties" by joni mitchell as a soundtrack. and its kinda true. but over all, new york is looking a lot like LA — people who look like they just came out the back door of the 'sex in the city' wardrobe trailer, ready for their close-ups.
· just saw Patricia Arquette at Bagutta Life raving her head off over some $19,000.00 (!!!) industrial art piece/cabinet dealie thing by "Bates Wilson" (???). She said she is going to send someone to "come pick it up." And the last time I was in that store (about three weeks ago) I saw Jada Pinkett-Smith fondling a groovy white leather trenchcoat, but I don't think she actually bought it.
· WAY too early at Pain Quotidien at Lexington and 63rd Street. Around 7:30. Guy with little sunglasses and shaved head and brownish-beige plastic bag full of tabloids asks for a coffee drink. Loud, non-English as a first language woman shouts out, "I know you from a TV show!"

Silence.

"What TV show?" she shouts again.

James Carville mutters imperceptibly.

"That's it! CNN! I know you from CNN!"

He stalked out with his head bowed.

· sat across from a mirrored aviator glasses-wearing cynthia rowley and her identically bespectacled male friend on the uptown 6 train this morning. cynthia looked positively coltish in a short chiffon pucci-esque dress, brown suede jacket, and pink sandals. she has got some serious legs.
· Ellen Barkin on Saturday in Marc Jacobs/Bleeker St. buying a pile of clothes. Sans sunglasses & sporting a J.Lo equivalent rock (thankfully not pink) on her right hand Sex in the City style. Looking hot. Very nice to sales guys.
· Saw a bunch of photogs in front of Jill Stuart/Soho on Saturday; had to to see what the excitement was all about. Inside was Winona Ryder slouching under baggy clothes & big sunglasses looking like a hunted animal. Sucking down a coke.
· Saw Kwame from The Apprentice walking with a couple friends on the Christopher Street pier Sunday afternoon. Seriously, is he gay? All Troy-Kwame jokes aside, he was wearing a pretty tight tanktop - and that pier isn't exactly a hotbed of heterosexuality, especially on sunny weekend afternoons.
· Whoopie Goldberg in dreads and tinted John Lennon glasses on Monday at Jerry's/Soho having lunch with two guys.
· Leelee Sobieski, on Saturday April 17 on the sidewalk outside of Penn Station. She swanned past, wearing the last pink pashmina on Earth and she was smoking a cigarette. Wish she would cut that lanky hair. Bangs, something!
· Today at about 2pm, Tony Bennett exchanging greetings with Wenner Media honcho Lisa Dallos in front of Ann Taylor, then shuffling up 6th Avenue completely unnoticed...
· I saw Queer Eye's Ted Allen last night at Dos Caminos downtown knocking back beers with a table of hot chicks and a cute gay guy.
· Sitting outside at Pastis this evening I saw Giselle walk by accompanied by 4 guys. Surprisingly, another 700 weren't following Pied Piper-like behind.
· Celebrity still has it priviliges at JFK. While airport security makes everyone else drive around and around, Paul Sorvino is allowed to sit curbside in his Escalade to pick up whoever he was waiting for.
· i saw parker posey and ryan adams for the second time in like 2 weeks. anyway, this time they were on 2nd ave between st. marks and 9th. she looked adorable once again; she was wearing a very cute tiger-print dress, and looking WAY down at the sidewalk, as if trying to prevent me from recognizing her. he looked right at me as he passed; he didn't seem to mind us noticing him. he was orange-haired, chubby-cheeked and scruffy again.
· Because its been, like, hours since the last Parker Posey sighting, I feel compelled to report that she was seen, by me even, pulling up to the light on 17th Street at 6th Avenue behind the wheel of what I think was a late 50's Chevy in very nice condition.
· so i was walking past the living room on saturday night around midnight, bad margarita from el sombrero in hand (it truly was just watered down tequila), when i saw a cute guy with his hands shoved in his mouth picking at his teeth. i turned to my friend and said "do we know that guy? he looks really familiar and he's pretty cute, despite him picking his teeth?" when my friend replied "yeah, its michael showalter. and thats his girlfriend michelle williams right next to him." so we stopped and gawked for awhile. michelle is stunningly beatiful and rail thin right now. she was dressed adorably and really, i want to be her best friend. michael, on the other hand, came off as a huge loser — picking his nose in public, picking his teeth, acting famous. they were very affectionate with eachother and seem really into each other. they then walked towards us and started talking to another rail thin woman with bleached blond hair who was right next to us. we then realized we were standing next to janine garofalo (and had been the entire time) — and enjoyed the wet hot american summer reunion. though janine should never ever have bleached blond hair.
· 4/17: michael pitt assaying an incognito/unseasonable look on shopper-clogged prince street. black wool hat and bright yellow cat-eye sunglasses.
· last thurs (4/15) i saw adam mesh walking on 57th street crossing 5th avenue, looking pretty, um.. average, carrying a shopping bag. no tara in sight, she was probably at barneys.
· friday night (4/16), zach cohen from the original average joe was at Serena's in chelsea, looking quite a bit better than average, actually.
· Kevin James (King of Queens) in silly black and white hip-hop outfit and backwards white kangol on his strangely shaped head at deli on W.12th & 8th Avenue @ 2:55 PM with expensive Asian girlfriend; Jai Rodriguez (Fab 5) walking with friends on Bleecker and Perry @ 3:07 PM.
· Saw "America's Top Model" Yoanna at the the Au Bon Pain on Broadway and Great Jones St at 12:00pm on Saturday. She bought some sort of pastry food and even picked up the bill for her friend. Looks like being a Top Model is really paying off. She was wearing Uggs in the 70 degree weather and light colored nylon track pants. Yes, she's very very thin.
· Saw Nick from The Apprentice Sat night (4/16) at a bar on Hudson (forgot the name but the address was 287 Hudson) He walked in, made his way through the crowd to the back of the bar. Once he got to the back, he looked around, chatted to a few guys, and made his way back to the front of the bar, yelling, "Plaid, on 13th street" Had a teeny tiny jappy brunette with him. Was holding her hand and almost dragging her along. Nick was wearing a suit and tie, just like on the show. Looked much cuter in person than on TV. The girl looked like every other brunette on the upper east side. She looked star-struck and happy being dragged around by a reality TV star.
· My favorite celeb sightings are the weird ones, so I was so excited to see "noted photographer" and "America's Top Model" judge Nigel (Last name?) out for a Spring stroll with runner-up April. Both were looking very Manhattan in sunglasses and Diesel jeans as they strolled down 18th Street towards 8th Avenue on Saturday. I think April may be growing her bangs out. Please note: they are both taller than they appear on television.
· I saw Nick from Bayonne having lunch with three of his buddies at the Cafe Europa on 6th and 44th around 1:30. Dressed down in cargos and a Tag Huer jacket, the Xerox salesman was enjoying some sort of wrap. When the check came, they each paid for themselves. I was surprised to see him there and not at Tower Records to witness the implant twins Katrina and Kristi sign copies of their lingerie clad assets in FHM.
· i was at a restaurant called beach or dungeon or dynsaty or something and who should walk by me but giovanni ribisi. those lips! he was wearing a peak hat and was talking on a cellphone. maybe to his sister who is married to beck..
· April 18 (Sun): Miss Rosario Dawson spent a lovely spring afternoon in Tompkins Square Park (E. Village). She and a young girl (12 y.o. or so) took alternating turns rollerblading and pushing each other around the park, and also joined in with some folks for frisbee. She signed autographs for several young fans. She was a striking figure even without the celebrity: She wore a flowy green sundress, had a huge smile on her face the whole time, and for the most part ran around the concrete yard barefoot (plus she's beautiful). She left with a scruffy guy.
· My friends and I were leaving Bubby's after brunch on Saturday (4/10) and passed David Blaine, babbling on his cellphone. Very exciting, no? But wait, there's more...so we were gabbing outside of the restaurant before we parted ways, and one of my friends returned from the loo with the news that Jason Bateman had just walked in. He immediately came back outside to wait with his wife? GF? and another friend amongst the throngs. So I stalked - I mean walked - up to him and touched his arm, apologized for disturbing him and proceeded to fawn about the show and its brilliance - he was very gracious, and we had a mini-conversation about whether the show would come back next season, etc. So then we said our goodbyes and me and my posse mosied on out of there. However, we went a block out of the way, and in order to get back to the 1/9 subway we had to circle back around the next block. And who should be coming towards us? None other than JB and Co., and as he passes us, he looks at me and says with a smile, "now you're stalking me!" He's quite cute, and much taller than I expected.
· Oh man, oh man, I've lived a dream. So I'm getting a haircut on W. 76th and Amsterdam and this guy sits down and starts chatting up his hairdresser. He started explaining how he's "in a show. A BROADWAY show," and how he needs highlights and it's too long for a 19th century piece and yeah. For some reason the woman at the counter came over and needed his last name, so tells her "Pinchot. P-I-N-C-H-O-T." I had my glasses off and couldn't see him clearly enough to tell if it was in fact Balki himself, but the deal was sealed when he asks the hairdresser his name (Avi) and then introduces himself as "Bronson." He walked away from the barber's chair for a second so I mumble-shouted to the woman cutting my hair "OH MY GOD THAT'S BRONSON PINCHOT" as if Jesus had just walked for a beard trim and the messy look. She says "Who?" to which I respond "FROM PERFECT STRANGERS! BALKI BARTOKAMUS!" which was apparently of little help. Ever the professional, Avi too seemed completely unphased as a permanent fixture on the TV screens of my childhood blabbered on about how he "wishes his hair grew faster because [he] loves to get it cut; it's so therapeutic."

Not wanting to squander my one chance to meet this comedic legend in the flesh, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked "Excuse me, are you Bronson Pinchot?" and he was like "Yes..?" and I was like "I love your work...I grew up with you in my household." In retrospect, I wish I'd said something along the lines of "I love your work...you were the best gay automatic weapons salesman ever in Beverly Hills Cop 3," but he seemed to appreciate the recognition nontheless. And damn those highlights look fabulous.