The problem with getting all your news online is that you never know how big it actually is. It's like blind dates — you don't know if they're well hung until, too often, it's way too late. Then you just have to make sympathetic noises.

Today we've measured the acreage of the tabloid gossips in column inches, square inches, and word count to see who's swinging the biggest stick. (Interesting data: Cindy Adams may be a bit wider than Liz Smith, but Liz is longer. Who knew?)

Page Six, New York Post
Column inches: 45.5
Square inches: 93.25
Word count: 1535

Rush & Molloy, New York Daily News
Column inches: 33.25
Square inches: 61.1875
Word count: 982

Lloyd Grove, New York Daily News
Returns to print tomorrow after "vacation."

Liz Smith, New York Post
Column inches: 22
Square inches: 39.5
Word count: 854

Cindy Adams, New York Post
Column inches: 21
Square inches: 40.875
Word count: 764

* Only word count can accurately distinguish Adams and Smith; both inch counts, particularly square inches, are within the guesstimated margin of error.
** Data excludes cleavage photos, misc.