I know New York mag tried to warn us with a special last week on the new taxi fare rates, but I don't really read those magazines. I saw some graphs and pictures of cabs and I thought, "So shiny! So pretty!" Then I threw the mag right back next to the toilet.

It's an age-old story: a magazine tried to help me with a bit of pseudo-service journalism and I just didn't listen. Dude: cabs are FUCKING EXPENSIVE now. What's the point of us having an impoverished immigrant service class if they're making more money than us? And if we can't afford them, aren't they going to be unhappy? Don't they get gratification from shuttling my lazy ass 80 blocks for the equivalent of a lawyer's billable sneeze?

You know what this means: bikes are going to be the "it" accessory this summer. This will only end in tears and fractured skulls.