Ideally, my guest stint starts with the menacing bass line intro of Black Flag's "Six Pack" and builds slowly until all hell breaks loose like the Stones at Altamont. To this end, I promise not to f-bomb this place and leave it resembling the bulimia-puke-stained bathroom of Serafina at the after-party for an Imitation of Christ runway show. Please don't be shy with those tips just because Choire's off "cruising" in international waters, where laws are as fluid as Dominick Dunne's bowels after he "ate the fish" at Liz Smith's 180th birthday bash. I will try to spread the love/hate early and often. Now let's see how fast I can go from zero to scar-fucking Tina Fey.