Australian potty-mouth Ben Widdicombe's gossip column debuted this weekend in the Daily News. His weekend competitor over at the NY Post, the urgently in need of a name-ectomy Elisa Lipsky-Karasz, had her lead evidently a bit mangled in edits. But more importantly: what'd they bring and how'd they bring it?

Widdicombe: Tony-loser Donna Murphy painted as a diva; the cast of Assassins bitches each other out. The Bleecker street playground is saturated with celebutots; the Katharine Hepburn Sotheby's auction will suck. Madonna tips $1000 at Prada; Barry Diller may have dropped $5 mil at benefit, anonymously. Then, he brings on the blind items.

Analysis: even counting the sightings of Sarah Jessica Parker-spawn, the median age of a bold-face name here is pushing 50. (The Tonys? Points for topicality, but even the gays hardly care anymore.) While it's true that the kids today don't sit down to their vegan omelettes on weekends with a copy of the Daily News, the column might want to skew a little less... geriatric. Or, you know, go elderly mogul all the way. We love us some wacky old rich people. Sitll, we certainly expect Widdicombe to bare some teeth in the next few weeks.

Lipsky-Karasz: Ethan Hawke revisits his post-Uma-Thurman affairlet Jennifer Perzow over dinner in Toronto — she wore the same outfit the next morning on her walk of shame. Uma Thurman in hiding on Fire Island. Alleged teen "it" girl/model/heiress Anna Anisimova parties hearty in Southampton in half-a-million dollar rental; Edie Falco chills out in the Caribbean; Bachelor Jesse Palmer hits on girls in bar.

Analysis: Why do I have no idea who "Anna Anisimova" is? Is she imaginary? There's literally zilch on Google, besides references to Anisimova renting this Hamptons house. I am enraged. The Ethan Hawke dirt looks good — but any thing that takes place in Toronto is officially boring.

Round one goes to: tough call. We feel like we should give top honors to Widdicombe, due to sheer volume. Both have their ups and downs, but we're giving this week's blue ribbon to Ms. Lipsky-Karasz for floating a potentially not "it" "it" girl. That takes chutzpah.
Gatecrasher [NYDN]
Ethan in Love-Lock [NYP]