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—"Dear Madonna, Remember when you were Catholic? Every few months or so, we'd issue a statement saying that you were a big whore. It was really good publicity, and kind of fun. Please come back. We don't want all the world's aspiring whores signing up for the Kabbalah Center. Love, The Pope"

—Warning, "zinger" ahead, suitably unfunny for a Leno monologue: The U.S. Postal Service will dedicate four postage stamps depicting Walt Disney characters. One of them will feature Disney CEO Michael Eisner. After you lick the Eisner stamp, its value steadily decreases until it's violently removed by a bloodthirsty shareholder mob. [Rim shot.]

—A quick-thinking internet privacy advocate narrowly avoids humiliation by a Comedy Central show that cons "experts" into thinking they're on an MTV show called The Debate Project. You've been warned, know-it-alls who insist on yapping on TV. [via BoingBoing]