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A reader attends a midnight showing of Fahrenheit 9/11 at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood so that we can go straight to bed after the emotional exhaustion of Celebrity Poker Showdown. Drudge should be thrilled; Michael Moore's gotta look really fucking huge stretched across that enormous screen.

The house was packed with every below-the-line leftie in town. Show started ten minutes late, and instead of going straight into the film, as these midnight screenings tend to do, there are previews. Great, cool, whatever. But the marketing types decided that the liberals of America must know about the schlockiest fare that they have to offer.

We see a promo for Open Water, a whole film about two scuba divers left behind in, get this, open water. It's like Cast Away, but without the island and more neoprene. The crowd mutters. Then we see trailers for Collateral, and The Bourne Supremacy — films that really appeal to the elite leftists.

The best moment came when the final trailer bowed. It was for the movie musical Phantom of the Opera. I have a soft spot for Phantom. It was the first Broadway show that I ever saw. And this trailer was savvy, it lured me in, because there wasn't any singing. I couldn't compare their Phantom to Michael Crawford because they just used the overture. I was being seduced. It looked huge, the spectacle, the grandeur, the chandelier! Here's my $14! But then the credits roll and it says "A Joel Schumacher Film" — and the entire Cinerama Dome bursts into laughter. Phantom Forever!

The screening was great. We laughed, we cried, we clapped (especially the one guy in the back who must be the biggest communist in the world — he was the only guy clapping on five different occasions. It was like that SNL sketch where Dan Quayle would clap at every other sentence. Be a little more judicious.) I left theater wanting to donate more time and money to Kerry, but that quickly faded as I sat in the clusterfuck that is the Arclight parking garage when 800 cars try to leave at the same time, and there is only one attendant taking tickets.

Are Republicans now laying off parking garage staffs to trap liberals in their cars, leaving them to stew impotently in their Moore-inflamed missionary zeal? There's only one thing to do: Organize a left-wing rideshare program for these events and monopolize Los Angeles' HOV lanes.