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Is it Friday already? Jesus, what the hell happened? Here's the weekly buzz index:

↑ Gossip columnists circle ever-nearer the location of Mary-Kate Olsen, half a twinship and evidently half a woman as well. Seriously, you can smell the fiber optic burning (and the legal departments smacking down half-sourced items) at your local tabloids. Meanwhile, the Olsens bare their teen teeth in court over a video game.
↑ Crutches-using puppy-loving paparazzi-mowing Britney Spears gets engaged.
↑ Girls in the Scenery: where marketing meets branding meets escorting. Brilliant: this is what Manhattan is all about.
↑ Daily News columnist Lloyd Grove gets Page Sixer fired, paints target on his own forehead.
↑ Billboard mag harassment lawsuit soon to go totally nuclear.
↑ Like a demonic kitten in a baby's crib, the NYT sucks the life-breath out of the Pulitzer-owning LAT.
↑ Santiago Calatrava: hot architect for the next five minutes until we turn on him.
→ Colin Farrell's gigantic unit: will publicists stoop to anything? It's cock-size rumor campaigns now?
→ Coke and the Hamptons: two 80's tastes that presumably taste great together.
↓ Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter fills in the factual holes in his new book.
↓ Bill Clinton book buzz goes zzz.
↓ Gays and TV? Gays on TV? You must be mad, Sumner Redstone!
↓ Semi-mogul Damon Dash rocks the Learning Annex.