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Defamer's Intern X files this report comparing the first round of Marlon Brando tribute ads in the trade papers. One thing is clear: Movie studios really relish the chance to throw a little money at pretending to care about the death of a screen legend. If it were financially expedient, each ad would be accompanied by the tatters of a garment supposedly shredded by a mourning studio exec, or a little vial of their tears. In the meantime, full-page spreads will have to suffice.

While obituaries, flowers, and retrospectives are nice, nothing marks the death of a celebrity as well as an ostentatious full-page ad in the trades. This is a chance for companies to prove themselves as friends to artists. As thoughtful, sensitive people, who nurture creative-types, rather than crushing them for personal gain. It's another point in that endless race to celluloid supremacy, so we're judging it as such. Here's a breakdown of today's Marlon Brando memorial action. The content, the style, the winners and losers.

The Pictures: In a stand-off not seen since the Elvis stamp controversy, Young Brando is currently beating Old Brando in trade memorials 2 to 1. While Warner Brothers and Columbia go for page-encompassing Streetcar era shots, Paramount opts for a smaller, Godfather pic. Meanwhile, MGM apparently couldn't afford a picture of Brando, young or old, and goes for a sad lion cartoon instead.

The Wording: Paramount and Columbia are both "mourning" Brando's death, while the dreamy-eyed Warner Brothers chooses to "fondly remember" the man. MGM once again is at the back of the pack, saving words and money, with a simple name-and-date motif. Paramount claims Brando as a friend, while Columboa takes a more preachy stance, making sure readers know that "He was one of a kind." Though true, it's a little forceful for the environment, and off-putting.

The winner: Warner Brothers, for using a picture of Brando the heartthrob, well before his self-impersonating post-Godfather/Michael Jackson years. Also, their upbeat diction makes us feel like they're progressive and welcoming, despite the fact that many trips to their lot have proved otherwise.

The Loser: MGM. Their slightly emasculated, tuxedoed Lion is possibly mourning, or possibly sneezing. He holds in his hand a wreath that is far too Christmas-y for the occasion, and the entire page is so blank as to invite further speculation on their financial condition. Given that they are also the only company to take an ad out solely in the Reporter, this is an exercise the lion should have just skipped.