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If the box office numbers don't unfold exactly like this over the weekend, we promise to ignore these predictions and carry on with our life.

1. Spider-Man 2 — $53 million
Spidey's Bulge Spins Sticky White Web Of Box Office Dominance

2. Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy — $34 million
Anchorman's Unironic Hairdos Muttonchop The Weekend B.O.

3. King Arthur — $21 million
Disney's Camelot Redux Shits On The Round Table

4. Fahrenheit 9/11 — $14 million
Girthy Filmmaker's Bush-Baiting Tone Poem Continues Record Roll

5. Sleepover — $5 million
Sleepover Has A Pillow Fight In A Woman's Prison Chance Of Cracking The Top Five, Whatever That Means