Seriously: worst gossip day in the tabloids ever. We're gonna have to make some shit up later.
· Model Sophie Dahl falls down in the Hamptons, skins her knee. I guess that monkey kidney transplant she had in Mexico isn't taking. (Yeah, we made that up, but it still doesn't help. Hmm. Is it gonna be like this all summer? Should we just kill ourselves now?) [NYDN]
· Matt Damon claims that Ben Affleck sacrificed his career and privacy to remain with his Latin Lover Jennie Lopez. That is so sad! [NYP]
· Pete Townshend thinks Michael Moore is a prick. [NYP]
· Why is Al Sharpton all up on publisher Jason Binn at Hamptons mag party? Also: why are either of them appearing in the paper? [NYDN]
· Unsourced internet job posting for Trump Magazine: now hiring interns for $50 bucks a week. (We got a copy too, and, in a weird moment of pretending to be reporters, didn't print it because we couldn't find a source.) [NYP]