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A couple days ago, Tom Cruise reminded the public about his very great love of women ("I love women.") and his equal affection for the straights-only joys of marriage (laws in your municipality may vary). Yes, very very hetero-wholesome, we got the message.

But Open All Night went to the NY premiere of Collateral and caught Cruise letting the world in on his darker side: "I’m rough trade in a good suit, period," and “I have a weird schedule. I sleep when I get tired, and I don’t sleep really that much.” Is Cruise coming out...as a vampire? Wow. His legal army probably has a plan of attack for this contingency, but has his Scientology-approved publicist/sister figured out how that might affect affect Collateral's box office? It's probably OK, he's obviously the straight kind of vampire. Sis really better slap a muzzle on Cruise at these premieres before he gets himself in trouble.