In a completely not-ironic move, Paris Hilton has recorded an aptly-titled single, "Screwed," for her debut album, "Paris Is Burning." [Ed: Burning! Ha! Touché!] We only learned recently that there was such a thing as a Haylie Duff, but it turns out that Haylie not-ironically recorded a song of the exact same title. Now that the Paris version has been "unintentionally" leaked, the power blondes are fetching their lawyers and fighting over who screws what.

For some reason this makes me desperately miss the drama of Dawson's Creek.
Leak Complicates Paris/Haylie Fight Over Who Gets 'Screwed' [MTV]