My tenure here at Gawker draws to a close. We'll have a special double-editor feature sometime before Monday, but for now, I guess I'll say this: I arrived a year ago on this website rather vaguely socialist. After a year contemplating the vagaries of Manhattan's class system, I leave ready to become a bomb-tossing Marxist anarchist. When it comes to Manhattan, I say kill 'em all, let Anna Wintour sort 'em out! And please — let the dirty bomb fall directly in the middle of the Meatpacking District.

Well, enough of that crap. On with this week's buzz report!
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↑ This week, we harassed Elisa Lipsky-Karasz, Ben Widdicombe, Dawn Eden, Jonathan Coulton, and Deborah Wassertzug.
↑ Naomi Campbell slaps her maid Millicent Burton — but only after Burton unleashed a much needed tirade on the psychotic supermodel. Us next! Us next!
↑ We finally get a glimpse of the Vogue-ettes soccer jerseys — we're still waiting for one of our own. Hello?
↑ Rumors that homosexual den of depravity The Cock is closed are refuted with photographic evidence (and unprintable reader stories. Dirty!).
↑ Will former TV Guide Editor Steven Reddicliffe heading to the New York Times as their tv critic? Can Reddicliffe handle the shift from bathroom reading to, um, bathroom reading with bigger words?
↑ Service journalism du jour: how to decipher the Page Six snippery towards Tom Cruise and the Matthew Cooper scandal.
↑ 60 Minutes veteran Mike Wallace gets slapped with cuffs for being a cantankerous old man.
↑ Andy Dick goes psychotic for cocaine, Rick James, and men — and exponentially ups his media worth. Instant A-list, for real.
↑ Jersey ex-Governor Jim McGreevey comes out of the closet and is crowned Queen.
↑ The Olympics have started — spandex is back and Drudge can barely keep it in his track pants.
↓ Jay-Z tries to avoid broker's fees on his new Tribeca loft and ends up screwing Corcoran broker Wilbur Gonzalez. We're not sure which is more sad: the fact that Wilbur blew the deal or that he's named Wilbur.
↓ New York Times Styles writer Rick Marin questions his manhood. No questioning needed: the briefs are baggy, if you know what I mean. Vincent Gallo, however, is hardly lacking in that department.
↓ Victoria Gotti only gets one headline this week: her unintentionally ironic (or is it?) interview with the New York Times Magazine.
↓ Cell phone companies offer bad date "rescue calls" and Manhattan's already-inured single set shudders.
↓ We're not going to blame any assistants in particular, but 20K of designer merchandise gets stolen before it can make it to Conde Nast's gilded doors.
↓ Paris Hilton's stole her feet from a trannie clown. (Elle says they're actually size 11.)
↓ Queen of tv "designers" Bobby Trendy tapes a tv pilot and blows his wad. On an Escalade, please.
↓ Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake possibly agree to a beastly engagement.
↓ NY Magazine plans a convention photo shoot of stereotypical proportions.
↓ Does nobody want a pervy old Jew? Hire the destitute Al Goldstein!