Hello, it's Gawker HQ here. New Gawkette Jessica will be slightly tardy today, as she lives within that small zone of Manhattan that's experiencing Time Warner internet outage. Oh, did I say small zone? I mean from Wall Street to 125th Street, apparently. At least we can see how well Manhattan's infrastructure is prepared for the onslaught of 90,000 big-haired Republicans in the next few days.

So: Jessica will be wending her way to one of those internet coffee shops. Hopefully she can get a seat between the Dungeons and Dragons gamers and the can't-look-at-gay-porn-at-home-cuz-I'm-married crowd. This process may take a while — she's only been on the job for a couple of weeks but already she's forgotten how to bathe and dress herself before noon. We just talked her through the whole toothbrushing thing via cell. Seriously, hygiene is remarkably hard to explain over the phone! Now we know how Vincent Gallo's agent feels.