· The reports from Miami's MTV Video Music Awards social scene are disturbing: simpleton socialite Paris Hilton is pairing off with former MTV VJ Simon Rex? Are his handlers paying her handlers? So confused. At least he has pornography experience. Oh, not random enough for you? How about director Spike Jonze and the Yeah Yeah Yeah's lead singer Karen O? [NYP-ELK]
· Speaking of last night's VMAs, the Britney wedding rumors false. Exhale. On the other hand, the show was so fantastically boring that it could have used a dash of inappropriate espousal. Or a lesbian kiss. Anything, really.
· The lack of A-list celebs at the convention got you down? Have no fear, Stephen Fucking Baldwin is here. [Page Six]
· Nicky Hilton's hubby, Todd Meister, doesn't like her friends. Is it because he's 10 years older than all of them, or because he's afraid of spontaneous acts of violence from friend Bijou Phillips? [NYP-ELK]
· Waning "it" boy Fabian Basabe sets up camp in South Beach, far away from the Bush twins. You can find him asserting his masculinity with $250 face peels. [NYDN-Gatecrasher (4th item)]