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Blog Engadget interviews outgoing MPAA head/pirate-crazy copyright crusader Jack Valenti about technology, his legacy, and the continuing menace posed by digital piracy. The unflappable Valenti was his eloquent, statesman-like self, even invoking great leaders from our past to illustrate the struggle that will continue even through his imminent retirement.

Does it bother you that you’re portrayed as a villain in some quarters of cyberspace?

I don’t relish it but I know what I’m doing is right. I want to look ahead. I want to have what Mr. Churchill says is the seeing eye, to know what’s on the other side of the brick wall.

Valenti loosened his necktie and slouched back in his chair before continuing, "Now, doesn't the ability to see through brick walls that I learned from my good friend Winston make me a super villain? Each and every night, I fly my invisible, silent whirlybird high above Los Angeles and use my X-ray vision to catch Johnny Q. Downloader in the act of pirating our precious movies. And then you know what I do? I turn my X-ray vision to microwave vision and boil little Johnny's entrails inside his torso like a self-contained crockpot, and he dies a painful, spleen-exploding death right there in front of his Gateway and his stolen copy of Alien Vs. Predator. That's what I do. Years ago, I left a VCR unattended in my living room and it murdered my Argentine houseboy in his sleep. And I pledged revenge against the pirates! How do ya like me now, Betamax motherfuckers?!"