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BREAKING AS ALWAYS! We just returned from the floor of Madison Square Garden (no, seriously), where we witnessed hundreds of journalists sitting around and doing... nothing. But wait! President Bush enters for a soundcheck! People are politely applauding because he made it to the podium without tripping, perhaps. First Lady Laura looks glazed over in a red suit, Condeleezza Rice is wearing powder blue. Very Talbots. Dubya takes to the mic and says in his wittiest presidential voice, "Check, check. My fellow members of the press corps, there will be tax relief. Don't spend it all in one place." Everyone politely chuckles, soundcheck over. We run out of the convention in tears. Outside, we are assaulted by a sea of cowboy hats. Oh, the humanity!