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Former editor in chief of Playgirl and author/performer of a one-woman show, Centerfold, Ronnie Koenig believes that Vinnie Gallo's nude-a-rific "Brown Bunny" will inspire copycats — specifically, look for Brad Pitt to bare his best in 2005 in a sequel to "Fight Club." After the jump, Koenig tolerates the 5X5 inquisition and reminds us how to talk dirty, that gays are like cowboys, and that Alan Alda and Alyssa Milano are equals.

Age: 30
Occupation: Writer, pornographer
Location: Brooklyn

1. In your article (or love letter) in AM New York to Vincent Gallo and "Brown Bunny," you wrote that "no matter what the critics say about your movie you have opened a door that was previously shut and it was a schlong time coming." First, shouldn't that be "cumming"? And second, do you really expect Brad Pitt to show his kibbles and bits just because Vincent did?
In answer to your first question, no! I never understood why people use that spelling. It reminds me of how a 13-year-old boy would write. Should "orgasming" be "orgasumming"? Second, I think that Brad will do full-frontal nudity, as long as the nudity is tasteful and essential to the script. With this in mind, I've taken some time to pen the opening scene of the sequel to one of his more popular films.

Scene 1
Tyler paces around the basement. A single light bulb hangs in the middle of the room. There are about forty men assembled. They listen as he lectures them.

TYLER
What's the first rule of Fight Club 2005?
(the men look at Tyler expectantly)
You don't wear pants during Fight Club 2005.
(takes off pants, underwear)

2. Your one-woman show, Centerfold, is the story of your days at the helm of Playgirl. What has your time there taught you about the gay (or straight) male libido?

Those are two entirely different things. The straight male libido can be a delicate thing. There were guys that posed who found it difficult to get aroused for the camera. That may have been because we were all pointing and laughing, but still. Men like to think that they can always "go," but it isn't true. The gay male libido is very Western. There are cowboys involved. I'm not sure what this is about.

3. It's been a while since I stumbled upon my mom's Playgirl's, but those film-still teasers of Leonardo DiCaprio in "Total Eclipse" are a dime a dozen on the Internet these days. Has print porn shot its wad and now heading off for a nice long nap?
Of course porn magazines have suffered due to the Internet, but I think they will always be around. Just like buying a book or CD in a store, there is a feeling you get during that magical moment of actually picking out a tangible item that you just don't get downloading things online. A computer can't hug you goodnight, but the clerk at your local newsstand can.

4. If I headed a mag it'd be all cartoons and fireworks. If my girlfriend did, just her editor's note would reference "Durkheim's Suicide," Weber's Protestant work ethic, and Brancusi's influence on the moderne. Clearly girls are smart. Is being a female editor-in-chief of a national magazine still something of an industry aberration?
Clearly you are not giving it to your girlfriend often enough! Female editor-in-chiefs are pretty typical, especially given all of the women's magazines out there. Most of their missions revolve around telling you how much pasta you should eat. A woman (or a man, for that matter) who is willing to talk about things like sex that test people's boundaries, that might make them nervous or piss them off, are rare.

5. Back to that AM New York article, some of the turns-of-phrases in there are quite good. I particularly liked the Kevin Costner's "toasted hamburger rolls." The clever masking of dirty language is de rigueur for any porn aficionado. Care to share any other euphemistic bon mots with us?
You're right, in order to express my dirty thoughts, I've had to be creative with some of my terms. I look at it like a challenge. The toasted hamburger rolls line came about because I didn't want to repeat the word "tush" too often. I've tried to come up with as many terms for penis as possible, my favorite being "two turntables and a microphone" (though I doubt that's what Beck had in mind when he wrote his song). The words women use to describe their genitals kill me. Their "womanhood," "honey pot" or "love lily"? Ewww!!!

Ronnie Koenig s Top Five Celebrities I'd Like to Enjoy a Passionate Night of Conversation and Love-Making With:

1. Richard E. Grant
2. Marilyn Manson
3. David Bowie
4. Hugh Grant
5. Alan Alda (circa M*A*S*H) or Alyssa Milano (tie)