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↑ Mary-Kate Olsen is pretending to eat! And her apartment is freaking huge.
↑ When reality stars hit the warpath, we lose our pants! Paris Hilton pisses off Victoria Gotti, Lizzie Grubman plays peacemaker.
↑ Cintra Wilson tells about freelancing like it is, then throws an insane book party.
↑ Hamptons season is officially over (though our hearts will never leave); the Post recaps the best of times and the worst of times.
↑ We pester Ronnie Koenig, Patrick Smith, Rosecrans Baldwin and Andrew Womack,
↑ Simon Dumenco explores the optioning process down to its dirty core: the development of "Power Girls."
↑ Anderson Cooper, we're proud of you: you're almost out of your closet!
↑ Fashion Week kicks off. So many clogged toilets.
↑ Franz Ferdinand makes the hipsters wet themselves.

↓ The Times comes up with the most cracked-out headline ever.
↓ Classes start at NYU and another undergrad jumps. We're starting to question student health services on that campus.
↓ Has Brad Pitt spent some time in rehab? Or was it his evil twin? Or just a mistaken sighting from a drunk patient?
↓ Ticket-takers at Madison Square Garden cannot be easily bought. They can, however, be easily irritated.
↓ Allure editors admit to starving their own staff.
↓ Stefani Greenfield of Scoop boutiques is maybe a tad demanding.
↓ Who doesn't hate Nicole Kidman?
↓ New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd can barely dress herself.
↓ Anna Wintour unveils tweaker chic.
↓ Michael Kors takes his designs to an ELO-pumping flatbed truck.
↓ New York magazine's Amy Sohn pimps Anne Klein.