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Welcome to the post-Labor day, pre-holiday wasteland movie-release wasteland, when it's a much wiser decision to obsessively reorder your NetFlix queue rather than venture out to the multiplex.

1. Resident Evil: Apocalypse — $23 million
Perhaps the only thing in the cinematic universe sweeter than a movie adapted from a video game is a sequel to a movie adapted from a video game. And since Fate did not allow the dream team of Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo to reunite for Super Mario Bros. II, we suppose that America will settle for a sweaty Milla Jovovich jogging around an apocalyptic, rainy cityscape and shooting zombies.

2. Cellular — $12 million
Think Phone Booth without the phone booth, any stars [Ed.note—Sorry, Kim Basinger! Didn't you win that Oscar last century?], or an A-list director. Considering that Phone Booth had Joel Schumacher in charge, whose camera has never found a male crotch shot it could pass up, a change of director in this sort-of sequel might actually be a blessing for Basinger and her decidedly female genitalia.

3. Hero — $6 million
Even splashing Quentin Tarantino's name over the title hasn't made this the new Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, as Miramax had hoped. Maybe things would've been different if they'd added "bonus footage" of Harvey Weinstein strangling one of his employees under the closing credits.

4. Without A Paddle — $5 million
Incredibly, WAP might pass the $50 million milestone if it has a strong weekend. Sadly, this will likely mean a sequel.

5. Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement — $4 million
Anne Hathaway would have been crowned "The Next Julia Roberts" by Entertainment Weekly if anyone over the age of 12 had seen this movie. You know, besides us. OK, we didn't actually see it, but we longingly stood outside the theater doors and tried to catch snippets through the door as chaperones took their bathroom breaks. We checked, and there is neither anything illegal nor creepy about that.