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So not only did I fail to spend my weekend in the confines of the city, dumping snowdrifts on my face and crushing cans of $2 PBR on my head per usual, but I also failed to cover the biggest pop culture disaster of the week: Britney Spears secretly tied the knot to her cheeto-enabling fiancé, the illustrious Kevin Federline. The ceremony was held in a private home in Studio City, CA, and I was too busy learning to breathe in a place without internet (yes, such places exist! I know, I was as appalled as you are right now!) to share this special gossip moment with you all. The best I can do is point your attention to her beautiful wedding pajamas.

I can't apologize enough to those of you who angrily emailed me with admonishments regarding my inability to blog this event in real time; I was in a far-off place where thoughts like, "I wonder if Britney has wed?" weren't regularly occuring to me. Taking a weekend to relax was a stupid mistake, I should've known. I'll be slapping myself on the wrist all damn day.
Spears Marries Dancer In L.A. Ceremony [AP]
Meet Mr. & Mrs. Kevin Federline [Defamer]