You can be pretty sure that it was Kitty Kelly's next project, but David Itzkoff got there first: a behind-the-scenes tell-all book about working as an editor at Maxim mag, aptly-titled Lads. Now, we're not saying being a Maxim editor is an oxymoron, but — oh hell, of course it is. Itzkoff realized the same and has thus moved on to Spin. Dave puzzlingly agreed to a 5X5 interview via an intermediary at the Bureau of Witness Protection — that fatwa Felix Dennis issued is good for another six months. After the jump, Dave recites facts about Chuck Klosterman, how New Orleans stacks up against E3, and some mumbo jumbo text-book speak about his regrets. Shit, this might get sincere.

Age: 28

Occupation: Writer, editor, onanist

Location: Alphabet City, Manhattan

1. Your book Lads: A Memoir of Manhood is available in Microsoft Reader format. Is that the aspiration of every writer?

I'm living the dream. They tell me that if the book does really well, it might be reprinted on popsicle sticks or a series of Dixie cups. And then who knows? Maybe even in paperback. Eat your heart out, Philip Roth.

2. Chuck Klosterman gave a blurb about your book, saying, "relentlessly honest and darkly comedic, LADS is like watching a man's creation, his obliteration, and his sardonic redemption — all before the age of 25." Doesn't Chuck still work at Spin, where you work? Is he picking up all your front-of-book pieces for the next sixth months for that one?

Come on, now — if magazine staffers couldn't get glowing blurbs from their (extremely generous and virile) colleagues, the publishing industry would implode. How would Jonathan Lethem have obtained such a stellar endorsement for The Fortress of Solitude from Michael Chabon, if not for the years they spent ghostwriting MAD magazine fold-ins together?

As someone who is thoroughly fascinated with the public's fascination with Chuck Klosterman, I'll share with you a few tidbits about him: He is the inventor of his own sandwich, the "Chuck" (consisting of chicken breast, bacon, melted cheese and barbecue sauce); he truly believes in his heart that Sasquatch is real and living in the forests of North America; and for someone who wrote a superlative book about heavy metal, he's not as much of a heavy metal fan as you might think.

3. Spin versus Maxim: As an editor at both, which press pass opens more doors? And do either of those actually even get press passes?

The problem isn't getting your hands on a press pass — it's acquiring one of those wide-brimmed fedora hats in which to keep your press pass. As I understand it, Matt Drudge owns the last one in existence, and you don't want to know what he expects in exchange for it.

Back in the day, my Maxim business card was pretty useful for acquiring free admission (and possibly discount lap dances) at all manner of gentleman's establishments in the city of New Orleans. Thus far, my Spin credentials have only gotten me special treatment at the E3 Expo, the video game industry's annual convention. E3 is actually a lot like New Orleans, except the attendees are way more excited to see the new Grand Theft Auto than they are to see strippers, and they do way more cocaine.

4. You seem to have wanted Maxim to be something other than what it is. In fact, I think you may even have used the word "edify," which I had to look up in the dictionary and then take a nap to recover from lifting that heavy book. Can't porn-lite just be what it is, rather than impart a message to its readers?

You know, there was a time when I was naive enough to think that Maxim was the modern-day successor to a magazine like National Lampoon, which was unrepentantly vulgar and shamelessly titillating (i.e., they had no trouble finding excuses to publish pictures of naked women), but also hysterically funny, and thoughtful, and acutely aware of the world in which it existed. Obviously, Maxim possesses none of those latter qualities, but I don't think it even succeeds as porn. If you just want to get off, there's infinitely more satisfying viewing material to be found on the Internet, whether you're interested in looking at undressed celebrities, or at transvestite Creole amputees, for example.



5. I'm not talking about anything specific, here, but if you had to go back and do it all over again, what would it be? Perhaps you would like to return that safety card you stole from a Northwest Airlines flight?

As an ardent supporter of the Nietzschean conception of the eternal recurrence, I firmly believe that one cannot validate the totality of a life unless one accepts and embraces all the experiences that comprise it. That said, I sometimes wish I'd gone to film school.

Dave Itzkoff
s Top 5 Maxim interview subjects

1. Kerri Kasem (February 2000)

She's a former MTV on-air personality and the daughter of broadcasting legend Casey Kasem. You never forget your first.

2. Jamie-Lynn DiScala, née Sigler (September 2001)

She's half-Jewish, she's from Long Island, she's the star of one of the best shows on television. Do I have to connect the friggin' dots for you?

3. George Lucas (May 2002)

Okay, so he's not a bubble-headed blonde with big tits, and he may be in deep denial about how the success of his films has fundamentally altered the economics of movie-making and how mediocre the Star Wars prequels are, but he's still kind of The Man.

4. Jeri Ryan (June 2002) Were I a real journalist, I might have spent less time asking her about her skintight Star Trek costume, and more time focusing on the sealed divorced papers in which she accuses her ex-husband, an aspiring candidate for the US Senate, of forcing her to go to sex clubs with him. Oh well.

5. Asia Argento (August 2002)

At the end of our interview, she said I reminded her of Harmony Korine
and she meant it as a compliment! Boy, if only life were really like this.

—Andrew Krucoff and Chris Gage conduct a daily interview series for Gawker.