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Short and a little bit sweet, that's Stacey Grenrock Woods. Or at least that's how she answered our questions — a gal of her domineering stature wouldn't deign to meet in person. Unless, of course, she had been able to break from the iron cage she lives in with Louis Black over at "The Daily Show." Stacey also frolicks about Esquire, where she's currently doing time as the resident sex columnist. After the jump, Stacey gives a wee glimpse into the more mundane things on a sexpert's mind, like oatmeal. Actually, that could be dirty too. Hmm.

Age: Thirtyeverything
Occupation: Wractress
Location: Los Angeles

1. This is awesome. You're the Esquire sex columnist! That's so cool! Uh, I forgot my question... It was something about whether you have to have a sense of humor to dish out advice to men about whether or not turtles have oral sex?

Humor and sex advice go together like turtles and hummers. Without jokes, sex advice is just health class, and no one remembers anything from health class, which is why I now have to answer everyone's sex questions with humor. Now I forgot the question too.

2. I'm not even bicoastal curious, but to pay the rent you, poor dear, have to shuttle between LA and NYC. How do you look yourself in the mirror, cheating on beautiful NYC like that?

What? You must be confusing me with Lenny Kravitz. I'm unicoastal — the west one.

3. What's it like working as a correspondent on "The Daily Show with John Stewart?" Most importantly, did you ever get a chance to see the cage they keep Louis Black locked up in?

It's been an incredible journey — for Steve Carrell. And yes, I have seen the cage, but don't worry, it's pretty roomy, and they always give him plenty of cuttlebones to gnaw on between takes.

4. You're a double threat: a successful woman and a good-looking journalist. If you were neither of those, what path in life would you have chosen?

You are very kind, thank you. I think I'd train service dogs for the blind. Or maybe I'd do PR for someplace like Versace. One of those.

5. Let's play word association: I say, I just can't be comfortable going into Toys in Babeland to buy "bedroom accessories" without hiding behind a ski mask and one of those things that change the sound of your voice. You say...

Dad? Is this you?

Stacey Grenrock Woods' Top Five Things On Her Mind.

Crossfire
Oatmeal
Mott the Hoople
A wild appaloosa, cantering across a snowy plain
Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisturizer SPF 15

—Andrew Krucoff and Chris Gage conduct a daily interview for Gawker.