I was just about to crawl out of my daily shame spiral and, you know, take a bath or maybe even put on clothes, when I found out that the New York Press (that's the free weekly that isn't the Village Voice) had printed their Best of Manhattan list. And, wouldn't you know it, Gawker has made the list as Best Path To Instant Asshole Status! OMG! Thank you! We'd like to thank our agents, manager and—oh, wait, it's not a compliment?

To summarize Gawker's daily postings:
1. Anna Wintour's a bitch!
2. The New York Times is stuffy!
3. Famous people walk past us!
4. Soho House rocks!
5. No, wait, Soho House sucks!
6. We're drunk!

Now, the reins are in the hands of the unknown Jessica Coen, a blogger who has so far downplayed the gay quotient by playing up her tits. In true Gawker form, she makes repeated funnies about booze and dead horse Vincent Gallo.

Way to rock the status quo, Coen. We'll see you at BlackBook in six months.

Hmm. BlackBook? Where they pay almost $2 a word? SIGN MY ASS UP.

But seriously, we LIKE the Press. It's a free "alternative" paper that only gets noticed when they're hateful and asinine. Kind of like a blog, but more expensive for the publisher and less potential for profit. What a smart business model.

The real issue: why so much hatred from these jackanapes? It's not reserved for Gawker and it's certainly not in the pursuit of service journalism for their reader(s?); no, something is seriously wrong with editor Jeff Koyen. A major chip on his shoulder, perhaps, from lacking the intelligence to produce something worth our time? I mean, Gawker is CHANGING THE WORLD. This shit is, like, super important! What the hell has the Press done lately? Baby, we'll show you where to find Graydon Carter's panties. Top that, Koyen.

Honestly, it's hard to be upset by things like this, except for a major factual error: I have not "played up" my breasts much at all. And for that, I am truly, truly sorry. As your editor, failure to include a daily focus on my womanly gifts has been a gross oversight on my part. You're hurting, I can tell, and I'm going to begin tending that wound right now: my breasts are very small. I spend most of the day with them and they offer me little or no satisfaction. There, is that enough info to help the NY Press get a little validity under their man-bras? Papers should have validity, even free ones.

Okay, enough about my tits for today. I'll try to incorporate them more often, I promise. Now, back to my booze and list of Vincent Gallo jokes!
Best Of Manhattan - Media And Politics [NY Press]