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This morning's inbox contained a stalker gem so earth-shattering, so odd, we had to give it its own treatment. Celebrity-studded events for artist Julian Schnabel aren't exactly surprising, but when they include attendees like P. Diddy and the Olsen twins, we have to breathe into a paper bag. A reader reports on the artsy fray:

The Julian Schnabel opening at C&M Arts was dripping in bizarre celebrity encounters. Lou Reed wandered around looking much younger and better than recent photos would have you believe. Sean Penn appeared, and luckily no one tried to take his picture. Christopher Walker, Philip Seymour Hoffman, assorted art bigwigs, etc.

The total HIGHLIGHT of the event was when Vito Schabel appeared with... Blonde Olsen, and introduced her to Sean Penn! They shook hands, actually. She is a borderline midget. Does this mean the tiny Olsens will suddenly start using jujitsu on the paparazzi? Skinny Olsen appeared later wearing a bizarre fuschia overcoat and fedora (NB: thanks to Britney, hats like that are a big fashion don't for the next millenium).

Towards the end of the opening, who should arrive wearing more and bigger diamonds than any woman would DARE: P.Diddy, the airplane vandal. Trailing in his wake was the weird star struck and super-annoying "designer" Zac Posen WEARING TIGHT BLUE JEANS AND WHITE SNEAKERS a la Jerry Seinfeld c. 1992. P. Diddy's replacement umbrella lackey was planted on the side of the wall pretending he worked for the Secret Service. Which is a good thing for Diddy, because umbrellas were getting stolen right and left.