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Careful, dear readers. There's math ahead. Something about inflation and "textual variations." I know it hurts, my pretties. But stick with it and you will learn much in the 5X5 Interview ahead. For example, how to properly flip someone off, like, say, people who use words like "textual variations." Jump with us to the next page where filmmaker Adam Blank takes us on a reminiscent-tour of Des Moines and Portland, wishes to wash the Earth clean of things he can't do, and professes his love for wee men like Peter Dinklage.

Age: 33
Occupation: Filmmaker, Writer
Location: Brooklyn

1. The Richmond Times-Dispatch reviewed your book about flipping people off, Field Guide to the North American Bird, along with a bunch of others, by saying, "I am not recommending that you buy or even check these books out. In some cases, I'd suggest you steer clear of them." This is your place to retaliate. To them you say...

Et tu Richmond?

2. Are there any verbal extras that go well with the Cell Phone, Peel the Banana, or the The Match, three variations of bird flipping? I prefer to follow it up with "Suck it" or "No, dad, I won't become an accountant. I'M AN ARTIST, DAMMIT!"

I learned, over a thousand years ago, that a picture was worth 2800 words. A picture today, if you adjust for inflation and other textual variances, is worth approximately 113 words (98 if you are Canadian). So, to answer your question, Yes. I think it is important. My favorite verbal extra is add this to your bank account and let it accumulate interest at one and one-quarter percent compounded! It is a bit of a mouthful, but it can really sting. I am a large proponent of saying Kicking Dick as opposed to Kicking Ass . This is just an aside.

3. The film you're developing, "Tall," is a look at people of immoderate height and the positive and negative effects of being oversized. That Peter Dinklage dude was getting too much press. Really, that's why you did this, right?

I don t know if Peter is a Dwarf or a midget, but some issues with being short parallel issues of immoderate height. There was a good documentary by Lisa Abelow Hedley and Bonnie Strauss called "Dwarfs: Not a Fairy Tale that demystifies the lives of dwarfs. There is a segment in that film where a high school senior undergoes a series of extremely lengthy and painful operations to that stretch her leg bones to a height of 5-feet-1, a full foot taller than she was. On the other side of the coin, there is a procedure in which they try to suppress the suspected height of prepubescent girls by giving them extremely high does of estrogen. This too can be painful procedures as it causes a host of side effects. People seem to go through extreme measures to ensure that they, or their children, can be considered normal . Peter, if you are reading this, I love you just the way you are!

4. Um, from Des Moines, to Hampshire College, to Portland... to NYC? Was this a necessary step to become a media mogul, because I'm sure you're walking around NYC in a state of constant terror... at the lack of flannel and hay. Ha! Totally kidding. Please, don't run me over with your tractor.

I think I have learned a little from each place. It is really hard to quantify what I learned, but here is a list:

Growing up in Des Moines taught me the importance of smoking pot.
At Hampshire College I learned that I was a special private school kid who had something unique to add to the world, and that I was entitled to everything I ever wanted.

In Portland I acquired the knowledge that rainy days get you down a lot more than Mondays.

And, New York City is a constant lesson stating that I am neither unique nor I am entitled to anything I want.


5. There are so many ways to love NYC. Climbing the Empire State Building in a gorilla costume, stalking Michael Musto, hell, just buying hotdogs goes a long way. How do you, kind sir, love this fair city?

The best part about living in New York is the eavesdropping. When my wife and I go to restaurants we can spend most of the time listening to our neighbors conversation and make snide comments later. But the pinnacle of this type of behavior comes when we happen to run into a couple fighting on the street. We are happy to walk a few blocks out of our way to follow a good fight. That is what you get by living in a walking town.

Top 5 things I would like to Banish from the Planet Earth:

1. Milk. If I may quote the great Arnold Schwarzenegger in Pumping Iron, Milk is for babies. Beer is for men.
2. Olives. They are the pits. Get it?
3. Gum. Just something I have in common with Singapore.
4. The term silly, unless used properly like I am gong to slap you silly .
5. Spelling. I can t do it, so lets get rid of it.