This image was lost some time after publication, but you can still view it here.

Here at Defamer, we scoff at the idea of taking a three-day weekend to observe Columbus Day. Instead, here are your weekend box office numbers.

1. Shark Tale — $31.7 million
To celebrate Shark Tale's second week at Number One, DreamWorks animation head is staging his own coronation as "King of Cartoons" on Monday morning. Immediately after a minor functionary places the three-foot crown on Katzenberg's head, Steven Spielberg will set fire to a startlingly lifelike effigy of Disney CEO Michael Eisner, and a chorus of third graders will sing "It's a Small World" as the dummy succumbs to the flames of victory. We can't wait to see what Katzenberg's got planned when the movie crosses the $100 million mark, but we bet it will involve human sacrifice.

2. Friday Night Lights — $20.6 million
Nicely played, Billy Bob. It's a good thing FNL finished a distant second, or you may have found yourself suffering an "accident" shortly after an unexpected meeting with Katzenberg.

3. Ladder 49 — $13.3 million
It seems obvious that John Travolta has summoned Scientology's ticket-buying drones to prop up the weekend grosses.

4. Taxi — $12 million
We're not in the habit of taking Entertainment Weekly out of the bathroom, but movie critic Owen Gleiberman said it best: "[Jimmy Fallon] does everything but carry a placard that reads 'Help! If I knew they were gonna have two chicks anchor Weekend Update, I would never have left the show!'" Look for Fallon to make a self-conscious cameo on Update where he "pretends" to beg for his job back.

5. The Forgotten — $7.5 million
This spot could've gone to Raise Your Voice, had the studio not insisted that Hilary Duff actually sing in the movie.