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According to Variety, DreamWorks has shelled out seven figures to obtain the rights for a feature film version of Baywatch, which it's fastracking for a summer 2006 release. While intellectually we understand that much of the world can't quench its thirst for David Hasselhoff's chest-thicket or Pamela Anderson's rack struggling against the confines of of red one-piece, our visceral reaction was to immediately soil our Speedos. If you suffered a similar reaction, we promise everything's going to be OK. Once you clean up, the thoughts of suicide from despair over the state of the entertainment industry quickly recede. Well, at least until the movie deal for Baywatch Nights is announced.