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· Vincent D'Onofrio, star of one of those Law and Order spinoffs, passes out from grief over the outcome of the election. So tough, those liberals. [Page Six]
· Lloyd Grove and co. can't get into a party, but they can get Brett Ratner to give them a misogynistic report of the affair. [Lowdown]
· Britney Spears looks increasingly likely to be carrying Federline spawn in her greasy womb. [Page Six]
· Hey, here's some shocking news: Naomi Campbell fights with another assistant. [R&M]