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The Defamer special movie premiere food critic reports from last night's opening of Closer and the after-party at Spago. Among the night's culinary delights was that new avatar of Hollywood dessert table class, the chocolate fountain, which discerning freebie food-seekers stalk like Ponce de Leon through the marshes of Florida on his mission for eternal youth.

The Closer party, being that it was a Mike Nichols film, which means "class" with a capital "K" was held at Spago, and in a tent outside Spago furnished to look like Dr. Hoefflin's waiting room.

Mike Nichols and Diane Sawyer held court in the center of the main room. At a banquette to the side, Natalie Portman sat with family and entourage while Jude Law worked the standing area, backed up by Portman's fellow Lucas hostage Ewan McGregor. David Mamet lurked on the sidelines.

Shuttling around on the hors d'oeuvres circuit were very tasty beef skewers, some edible little cones of tuna tartare, and of course the Puck pizza still floating like a star from another era whom no one will tell its time to move to Montana. But the real news of the night was the buffet. Caesar salad, salmon, roast beef with leeks, all in mini-premiere sized portions. There were some very excellent goat cheese and squash ravioli things but these were kept under tighter watch than the tapes of Portman's cut nude scenes. The raviolis were strictly rationed three to a customer. When I asked for more (twice)
each time the server smiled slyly at me and ladled over a single additional ravioli.

But really, who cares about pasta when you know a Hollywood high class event can only mean one thing: the fabled chocolate fountain. Gallons of pure brown goo flowing through a three level through with marshmallows and pieces of pound cake on skewers for dipping. The movie was good, but the marshmallows were better. Another Tinseltown triumph.

[Photo: Getty Images]