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Yesterday, in a gilded Los Angeles hospital room, Oscar-winning actress Julia Roberts pooped out a set of babies. The twins were born a month early (which is funny, because we could've sworn Roberts has been pregnant for at least two years) and so it's time for another retarded celebrity baby-naming party! Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter Roberts-Moder (we're guessing on the hyphenation) will now join Apple Paltrow-Martin and MaKena'lei Gordon Carnahan-Hunt at the losers' lunch table. When you name your kids after domestic servants, it practically guarantees a lifetime of misery and ridicule.
Actress Julia Roberts Gives Birth To Twins [Reuters]