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We certainly don't expect much from the grunts writing headlines for CBS's celebrity coverage, but this one would look bad even on E!'s relentlessly punning website. In fact, the "Pretty Mother" thing is so offputting that we're momentarily distracted from her new twins' inevitably semiretarded names, Phinnaeus and Hazel (a mere 3 on the Retarded Celebrity Baby Names Scale, where 1=James Broderick and 5=Apple Paltrow), which we think she may have stolen from Madonna's Kabbalah children's book. We wish Roberts and her toothy infants all the best, and hope their pre-arranged paparazzi photo shoots go as smoothly as possible.