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In the NY Observer, Salon movie critic Stephanie Zacharek offers some advice to a guy saddled with the Greatest Actor of His Generation label:

Growing older is allowed, if necessary, but looking older is frowned upon. Get Marlon Brando–fat if you must, but you must never, under any circumstances, get Marlon Brando–weird. Do not make movies with poo-poo jokes in them.

And last, but perhaps most important, always pretend to value quality over quantity, appearing in only one or two big prestige pictures every five years or so. To be on the truly safe side, don’t take any roles at all. Because if there’s one lesson to be learned from Robert De Niro’s squinty, tin-canned performance in Jay Roach’s tone-deaf comedy Meet the Fockers—and, by extension, from the numerous unmemorable or outright bad De Niro performances of the past 10 years—it’s this: Everyone loves a brilliant, out-of-work actor. But no one loves a brilliant actor who works all the time.

And, for the love of God, please avoid movies where a cat flushes a dog down a toilet.* You were fucking Travis Bickle!

[*We're fixated, we know!]