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In this episode: Leonardo DiCaprio eating soup in a matching tracksuit in the vicinity of Willie Garson; Alan Ball and Michael Feinstein at the ArcLight; Alec Baldwin shopping on Melrose; Paris Hilton looking "awful" at the Grove; Pamela Anderson courtside for the Lakers; Dan Aykroyd looking confused; Lorne Michael and Michael Mullally at Second City; Famke Janssen; Mary-Kate Olsen; Kristin Davis; Bradley Whitford; Gina Gershon; Donatella Versace; Chris Kattan; Jorja Fox; Parminder Nagra; Darren Star; Kid Rock; Robin Tunney; John Cameron Mitchell; Travis Barker; Rob Zombie; Carson Daly; Morgan Webb.

·Saw a disheveled-looking Leonardo DiCaprio at the Bristol Farms at Doheny and Beverly (where Chasen's
used to be) on (Golden Globe) Sunday afternoon around 12:45, which seemed rather odd because I figured he'd
be going through some sort of ass-kissing ritual all day before the show. He was eating soup in the cafe area while wearing one of those hideous matching track suits and a baseball cap pulled way down. Oddly enough, a few minutes later Wille Garson (Stanford from "SATC") walked by.

Last week I went to see "Hotel Rwanda" at the Arclight. Afterwards as I was washing my hands in the men's room, I noticed that Alan Ball was standing at the sink next to me. As I turned around I noticed a surprisingly tiny Michael Feinstein drying his hands. Feinstein's press pictures are seriously retouched and he's maybe 5'6" and weighs 120 pounds soaking wet. He's almost anorexic/heroin skinny.

· melrose on sunday evening around 5pm, while outside with some friends, saw a very disheveled looking (also fairly chunky) alec baldwin walking in front of Slow. he was with two very teenage looking girls who i assume were his daughters or nieces. hopefully that "state and main" sub-plot isn't a reality. just kidding. a few minutes before this, an equally disheveled buzz osborne (of melvins fame) walking with a cohort into the world of vintage tees. seemed like an extremely odd place for such an odd fellow to shop.

· Spotted Paris Hilton at the Grove on Sunday afternoon. She was with two hipster boys, with her arm around one of them. She looked awful in a hot pink and black polka dot slip dress, big silver bitch heels, and a black hat covering an obvious black wig. She was a mess. She walked by twice. Oh, and she was sporting one of nikki's lame "7" bags.

On Monday saw a bored Pamela Anderson sitting in Jack's seats at the Lakers game. She looked terribly bored, ate caramel corn, drank white wine, and wore a white SCRUNCHY on her arm (BARF!). Also saw bitchy chick from Laguna Beach at the game. She was bitching at someone on her cell phone. She looks like she's preparing for her new season as she's lost weight since the first LB.

· Dan Aykroyd, looking vaguely confused outside Sansai on Beverly Drive. He walked back and forth at the corner as if he couldn't decide which street to cross

· lorne michaels and megan mullally both popped into second city on melrose for a showcase on tuesday the 25th. nora dunn had performed there earlier in the evening, but she didn't stick around to say hi to lorne, for some reason.

· Sunday, I saw Famke Janssen at King's Road Cafe, having brunch with two men and another woman. She looked fab, in cuffed jeans and a blue tunic-y top and sneakers —- an effect only slightly ruined when she put on a trucker hat before she left. Famke! Would your fabulous Nip/Tuck Sex-Change Pioneering, Life-Coaching, Incest-Committing character wear a trucker hat? No, she would not, and you would do well to emulate her on that one small detail. Trucker hat aside, she looked gorgeous and seemed to be having a great time.

· (1/23) What can be stated as the highlight of my weekend, I’m 99% sure I spotted no other than Mary-Kate Olsen at the Blue Wave car wash on Little Santa Monica and Westwood. She looked cute and not as emaciated as I thought she would be. She actually looked good. She was very little and very composed as she patiently sat there and waited for her car. I didn’t catch what kind of car she was driving because I was trying my hardest to pretend I wasn’t looking. Defining characteristics were big sunglasses, a cute little outfit no one else could pull off, and a huge Rolex on her wrist.

· I saw Kristin Davis today at the Hollywood Center Studios. I was walking back to my office after lunch
as she came out of the mess hall/cafeteria building. She looked very Charlotte in a ponytail, black track
pants and a blue fleece jacket, which seemed excessive considering it's approximately twelve thousand degrees
out today. She was chatting and smiling with two other women (probably crew, none of them struck me as
familiar) and holding her cell phone in her hand.

She's so beautiful in person, and has a refreshingly athletic-looking body. She's considerably taller then I thought - I always assumed she was a munchkin like Sarah Jessica Parker. She's in "The Shaggy Dog," which is shooting on the lot. I should have waited outside longer to get a glimpse of Robert Downey Jr. Also, I should figure out how to sneak into their
craft services line, because it looks really delicious.

· Saw Bradley Whitford at Whole Foods Santa Monica during lunchtime yesterday - much taller than I thought (which leads me to believe that it must be the tallest television cast going right now). Anyways, real
super cool guy - actually told him I was a big fan of the show and that his character was my favorite (it is). It's funny watching everybody else stare at celebs in public places like that and then avert their eyes if the celeb looks their way.

· saw gina gershon at the elefant show at the henry fonda... she is shorter than i expected but super beautiful... oh gina, that crazy mouth makes the boys and girls go crazy... in an odd mix, the curly haired guy from survivor was also there (is his name Ethan? i have no clue.. i never watched that shit) - anyhow someone was introducing them... gina, please don¹t waste any x chromosomes on that guy.. i¹m sorry, he needs a haircut... let mars volta have the big fros... everyone else needs to get over it.

· As I was crossing the street yesterday evening on my to Amoeba, a large expensive black car pulled up right in front of the store. A tiny blonde woman and a smaller brown-haired girl exited the car. When the blonde
turned around my friend and I realized we were standing in front of Donatella Versace. My friend said he thought his head was going to explode. I realized that she had the largest lips I had ever seen on a human and she dressed JLO. Unfortunately, she didn't go in the store. It was amazing.

· I was catching a late breakfast around 2pm this Sunday at the Griddle and my friend and I saw Mr. Corky Romano himself, Chris Kattan, walk in with a woman...trying to play a straight character for once? He looked jumpy
and scruffy.

· Jorja Fox at WeHo Marix (cuter in person; if you like girls, i mean). Bend It Like Beckham's Parminder Nagra at Buddah's Belly (very cute and put-together in person,). Also, saw gay Sex And The City creator Darren Star at King's Road Cafe. now, i'm not one to gossip but his chest is larger than Pam Anderson's!

· Kid Rock was eating at a small Mexican restaurant In Santa Monica at a huge table that looked occupied by obscure Kroq types and sad looking groupies. They ordered many tequila shots. Kid Rock's decked out SUV was kept running in the driveway with no one in it in case he needed to make a getaway.

· Robin Tunney was rockin' some Uggs and a J. Crew-ish cardigan and talking on cell phone at the Los Feliz Coffee Bean this AM. Looks like she dyed her hair darker. Why do I even know this girl's name??

· John Cameron Mitchell at Miss Kitty's Parlour on Friday looking awesome and hanging with friends. No giant yellow wig in sight.

· On Thursday of last week saw lurking camera man and boom operator waiting around on Beverly Blvd. They quickly sprung to action as Travis from Blink 182 emerged from the parking garage elevator with wife type blond person, two very small mohawked children, and a bodyguard (?). They all settled in at the Farm where they were filmed eating dinner. Snore. This was followed up the next day by another rocker withering in popularity.

· Saw Rob Zombie at Louise's on Larchmont last night. If I was a fan, I would have been wholly disappointed seeing the freak who came up with House of 1000 Corpses salivating over some lasagna. I recognized him not
by his heavy-metal attire (he was dressed normally; another disappointment), but by that un-washed, dreadlocked beard.

· i saw carson daly POWERWALKING down montana street in santa monica today... wednesday, january 20th. we made eye contact and i laughed laughed laughed. also, he looked less doughy than he does in nyc. must be the powerwalking.

· I just spotted geek gamer goddess morgan webb at Fry's in Manhattan Beach, looking adorable and un-self conscious, apparently attempting to identify more closely with her target demographic by stocking up on video
games and computer supplies in advance of a lonely saturday night attached to either a controller or an anti-static wristband (or both). Still, she's brave. If my fans soiled their trousers at the mere mention of my name, I'd probably try to do most of my electronics shopping online.