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Wherein we invite our readers to throw away everything they've ever known about the English language and be reborn into the grammar-free linguistic paradise offered by humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca, then take a stab at his weekly blind item. This week, we think Ted's talking closeted lesbians. Traipse through the poppy fields of One Rock Hudson Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "...some things never change. Like parading around a wife or girlfriend, just because that's what the public wants to see, when, in reality, you're a same-sex kinda creature, just like ol' Rock was. Well, so is Slippery Polly, gotta tell ya. Howevuh, So Obvious Polly will soon be her name if she doesn't start watching it, I mean, really. See, S.P. recently left her partner." Read the item.

UPDATE: You say: Your guesses are in!