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Our legal background consists entirely of helping Pakistani cabdrivers in the Washington, DC area obtain green cards (it's a long story, trust us), so we're not exactly sure what to make of the threats by Lindsay Lohan's lawyers to sue anyone in the media if they so much as think about recent accusations made by her estranged dad. Shit, we totally thought about it when we typed that sentence! Is that the doorbell ringing? Is a process server hiding in the bushes, waiting to waylay us on our afternoon trip to Starbucks? We're covering the house in tinfoil and never answering the phone again.

We really hope that someone out there can tell us if this new stuff that Lohan's wacky father is talking about involves speculation about whether or not her breasts are real (or if she had them reduced). We'll go to the electric chair to defend our right to continue to participate in that crucial debate.