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We're going to be candid with you about something: We're spending the weekend breathing through our mouth, pounding as many handfuls of Cheetos and cans of Bud Light as our digestive system can tolerate, and acting genuinely disappointed when the Super Bowl commercials don't live up to our expectations. We do not know, nor do we care, about what's happening at the box office this weekend. Welcome to America!

1. Boogeyman—$17 million
Without the benefit of an overworked, preternaturally talented child actor with saucer eyes and a fading acting legend hellbent on shaking down Hollywood for every last cent, Boogeyman will prove that on Super Bowl weekend, people will go see any ol' shit.

2. Hide and Seek—$11 million
Dakota Fanning's parents will see the 50-percent box office drop-off and immediately sign her up for six more movies. That kid's gotta earn before puberty takes its inevitable toll on her bankability.

3. Are We There Yet?—$10 million
Not since Johnson Family Vacation have we laughed so hard at a cynically urban-targeted road-trip comedy!

4. Million Dollar Baby—$7 million
We really love spoiling this movie for people. Here's this week's spoiler: Clint Eastwood's grizzled trainer and Morgan Freeman's one-eyed former boxer help make ends meet at the gym by winning a karaoke contest at a tranny bar. There's a reason this one got all of those Oscar nominations.

5. The Wedding Date—$6 million
Putting both "wedding" and "date" in the title of this movie will have desperate women marching to theaters, driven forward by the insistent ticking of their biological clocks. Well, at least that's how the movie was originally pitched.