Well, here I am, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed from my "vacation" at Fashion Week. And I have to confess: the Fall 2005 collections were everything I had hoped for and more. No, seriously. My zen time in the tents helped me to embark on some genuine self-exploration and reevaluation. I ve been making the wrong choices, heading down the wrong path—but no more. Things are going to change.

From this day forward, I m going to be a good person. My life is now dedicated to charity: I m building a soup kitchen with my bare hands. I m going to start a rescue program for one-eyed kittens. I ll adopt a starving Cambodian baby, give him a Mohawk, and let him sleep on a rainbow. Yes, it s true: from the nicotine-addled crowds of Bryant Park, your Jessica is born anew.

(Also, I learned that I need a fucking Balenciaga bag before it's three years too late. But that's another post.)