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Friday· We make no guarantees that if you attend the Barneys warehouse sale (which begins today and lasts until the 21st at the Barker Hanger at the Santa Monica Airport), you won't have your arm chewed off by someone else who wants the same pair of discounted shoes.
· Friday night music: Steve Earle and the Dukes at the Henry Fonda Theatre, Jonathan Richman at King King, Hidden Cameras at the Echo (with not-so-secret guest Beck opening?), and DJ ?uestlove at the Conga Room.
Saturday
 · Reality is much funnier than anything we can dream up: The World Grilled Cheese-Eating Championship comes to Muscle Beach, with a special appearance by the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. We shit you not.
· Also from the "we shit you not" file: Sweat with [sic] the oldies at Richard Simmons' Valentine Motivation and Aerobic Extravaganza at Slimmons, his Beverly Hills studio.
· Bright Eyes begins his 3-night stand at the Orpheum Theatre. Don your best Conor Oberst disguise and try to take home a lovelorn Winona Ryder!
Sunday
 · You can probably safely skip watching the Grammys on CBS—no one you like is going to win anything—but you should probably monitor the internet to find out who won so you don't embarrass yourself at the parties. We won't have that problem unless Usher unexpectedly wanders into our kitchen.